yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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