Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
