Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
