VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
