I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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