Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
