I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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