turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
