i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
