So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
