wrigley field is MILF paradise
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
