Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize