Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
