Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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