You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
