i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
