Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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