if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
