I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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