i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You took a bar mat shot.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
