I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
