the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
