If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
