yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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