So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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