I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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