at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone came in the potted fern
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
