Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
