Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
