Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
