end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
