I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
