I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
