Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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