I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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