i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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