Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize