He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
