My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
