my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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