just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize