Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize