I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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