Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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