So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
