i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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