i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
