Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
