it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
