So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
