I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
