could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
