All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
