Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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