i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
