My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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