I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize