i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
