ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
