started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
