NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
