there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
