After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
