i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i think i just lost a toe
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
